Introducing the Geek Zodiac, a spoof on Chinese zodiac, which is assigns “birth signs” by year.

According to the Chinese zodiac, since the Chinese calendar turns over in February and I was born at the end of January, I’m on the cusp between being a Horse and a Snake. Great, so I’m either a flibberty-gibbet, attention-span-challenged spotlight hog, or an overly-serious, silent-but-deadly, power-mad sneak.

It just goes to show that adding geek makes anything better. According to this, I’m a “Daikaiju“ – a “giant monster.” Illustrious daikaiju include Tokyo-stompers such as Rodan, Mothra and Gamera; their modern cousin, the nameless “Cloverfield Monster;” and the grand-daddy of them all, Godzilla, King of the Monsters. Personality pros include: scientific, big-hearted and the center of attention; cons include: misunderstood, lonely, destructive.

Being one of the King of Monsters’ own isn’t a bad deal, but I’m not sure I’m all THAT destructive. I mean, sure, I spin fire as a hobby and I’ve very occasionally exploded things in the kitchen as part of an ill-conceived cooking experiment or a desire to see if adding Mentos to soda pop really does result in a geyser (it does), but I don’t think I like that quality. In fact, who decided how to assign the years to the signs anyway? Sounds suspiciously arbitrary to me. I mean, I could easily be an “intelligent, diplomatic technophile who’s suspicious, secretive and inscrutable” (Alien) or a “transcendental soul who knows the value of all life and is yet haunted and tormented with difficulty connecting to humanity” (Zombie).

To hell with this. I’m going to go and find some hapless city to stomp on. But only because I want the attention and I’m secretly hurt that no one loves me because I’m so horribly misunderstood and lonely. *STOMP STOMP STOMP*

(Via Pharyngula via Geeks Are Sexy)

Tags: aliens, astrology, astrology signs, daikaiju, geek, monsters, personality traits, zodiac
Filed under: geeky, weirdness